The Morning Routine

Alright now that I've had my first cup of coffee and ritualistic cigarette (hey, you can't quit everything at once). I made myself a delicious smoothie, using one scoop of vanilla whey protein, 1/2 a banana, and 1 cup of skim milk, 1/2 a tablespoon of almond butter, frozen acai berries and about a handful bit of ice (unfortunately, I skipped the morning vodka, but it's all good-- I don't feel like sweating out a fifth of booze running). So, the game plan this morning, is 1 hour of running, and followed by a bit of weight training (working on arms). I like to switch it up day-by-day, this way you give your body a chance to recupe, and avoid painful lactic-acid build-up. I recommend eating something super light before your workout. Remember to drink plenty of H20, but don't OD and drink like a fucking desert camel during workout, you will feel lethargic and heavy if you overdo it.

Today, I will be doing weigh in, and have some skinny hot chick measure my hips, arms, thighs, and all of those neglected areas. As horrifying as the prospect of finding out these measurements may be... I also think sometimes, you loose inches, and you know you've "lost weight," but the scale is stubbornly stuck on the same number. So, measuring your body and keeping a  weekly or bi-weekly book of these numbers can help you see your progress, and will also help you target those fucking annoyingly stubborn areas. For me, it's my hips and ass (I'm part Armenian, we have Kim Kardashian asses, which is not a bad thing, but in the current state, I'm about to be applying for my own postal zip code), so that's an area, I know I have to work on.

Well, I'm off in a few, don't worry I'll update you on how horrible it was on the treadmill, running next the old lady, who was kicking my ass up an incline as she was yelling at her husband on her cell phone for purchasing the wrong kind of salmon. 

Ole: South of Border Huevos

Ingredients:

½ avocado 2 large eggs (I like to substitute this for egg whites, egg beaters are awesome if you're always in a rush, or are too 'Shaun of the Dead' to make breakfast) 1 ounce salsa (or a splash of Tabasco Sauce)

*Optional: 1/2- 1 oz of feta cheese, pepper jack, cheddar or whatever queso your heart desires)

Directions:

You can scramble or poach the eggs instead of frying, if preferred.  Add a dash of Tabasco sauce or 1 tbsp. of low-sugar/low sodium salsa. Sprinkle on cheese, if desired. 

1. Fry eggs in 1 teaspoon of virgin olive oil (I like using Pam Spray) in a small skillet over medium high heat until desired "doneness".  Flip, if desired.
2. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper, if desired.
3. Spread the avocado slices on a plate, top with eggs.

It Doesn't Have to Be Boring or Hell

Alright let's face it... the gym's not for every one of us, but that doesn't mean there aren't any fun ways to get into shape. I love to dance. Dancing is fun and it's a great way to get your heart rate going. I'm sure as many of you know, this white girl can't dance worth a shit, but it's okay-- I get my lame on anywhere I go. If you're not a fan of public embarrassment, I'm sure there's a living room, a basement, a bedroom, where you can plug in your iPod, turn on the radio, or put your headphones on, and get your booty shaking. Oh yeah, I like making playlists-- this way, I don't have to constantly switch song after song. My favorite genre to dance to falls under my "Dirty O" playlist, which is pretty much every cheesy/great rap/hip-hop song known to existence.

"From the windows... to the wall..." nothing gets me going like some dance floor ghetto classics. So, whatever it takes to get your money-maker moving, add it on, and have a blast being a total spaz. Britney is another favorite, and hey, not only will you get into better shape (do it for 30 minutes a day and you'll see a difference). If nothing else, you may pick up some awesome dance moves.

Another good one believe it or not, is housecleaning, the old school way. You know like your French or Eastern European grandmother used to clean. Hardcore. Get on your hands and knees (yes, I know you dirty minded folk-- that's another great workout, but we'll save that for another time). Your space is dirty, you're a lazy bastard, so why not knock out two birds with one stone?
Get a cloth rag, and get on the floor, vacuuming is another great one, bend down and clean house. Gardening or helping your neighbors, you know the cute little old Italian grandmas lifting groceries, etc. Mowing the lawn (if you have one, I realize we live in New York), but doing little things like this, will make a difference, if you're a busy guy or gal.

Walk more. Don't be a lazy fuck. Don't drive everywhere, take the stairs instead of the elevator (imagine getting stuck in one with someone who ate rancid Mexican food-- I'm sure that's a life experience, you'd be thankful to avoid, but then again, I don't know...) Well folks, that's my pep talk for all of us. Will be posting the menu, and workout tomorrow. Take care, sleep well. Kisses. "Yes WE CAN!" lolz 

Doing it the Healthy Way

For years I led an unhealthy lifestyle. I went from being overweight to being dangerously bulimic to eventually anorexic. At my thinnest, I weighed 82 lbs, which was the combination of starving myself, and a drug cocktail to keep me looking like a sickly waif. About a year ago, I got tired of maintaining this "balance" and seeing my body change from heroin chic to gradually heavier and worse, I began drinking heavily, and I still didn't eat, but the pounds were adding up. Yesterday, I got on a scale for the first time, and the number that I saw, was enough to give anyone a jolt. Add to that, chain-smoking, and drinking coffee like turnover at a dinner in the AM, I decided that I was tired of feeling and looking like shit. So, what does all this mean?

It means, there's this thing called eating that I'm supposed to do 4-6 times a day, and there's also this long list of things that you're supposed to eat in moderation, and other things that are awesome and good for you, antioxidant rich foods and whatnot. So, I'm starting this blog for myself and others, who are just tired of being tired, who have fallen off the horse, and don't have the motivation to get back on, or people who are just looking to feel better, look better, etc.

I am starting off slow. This is completely new territory for me. In high school and college, I used to work out a lot, I played tennis, I had a relatively healthy lifestyle, I was what you called a weekend social smoker. Everything was good, I was active, relatively in shape. Now, it's like I'm back at square one. I felt my lungs threatening to explode out of my chest, my heart was pumping and I could feel the blood surging through me body. Halfway through my first day of exercise, I already caught myself thinking, "FUCK THIS!" But... I didn't give up, I kept going, and I realized I was maybe overdoing a bit.

See, I'm a results whore. When it comes to my body image, I'm extremely vain and instant gratification about it, but as I've realized over the course of the years-- quick results don't mean dick, and just because you're anna doesn't mean you're in shape.

So, folks you're not alone. I will post embarrassing fatass pictures of my body, as an invitation for anyone who has reservations or thinks they can't do anything to change, or it's too hard, too much, whatever. I am doing this. If you want or need support, follow my blog. We can bitch about our workouts, share recipes, talk about clothes we know we're going to fit into. You're not alone. Take it from the ultimate stubborn vanity queen-- clearly what I did wasn't working, I wasn't happy, I felt tired and depressed, so if you're looking for a morale boost or really good smoothie recipes, hit up my blog. I will be posting tips and things I learn along the way.